Grieving Brain Injury: Managing Shock

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Marilyn Colter

(Researchers tell us that grief has six different stages -- shock, denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance—that occur in sequence. Grieving brain injury in the family often means that you are dealing with several grief stages at the same time with no clear sequence.)

You got the call. Your body responded to the fight or flight signals and you arrived at the hospital. You weren’t real sure how you got there but you knew you MUST be with your family member who had been injured. You’re terrified. People have spoken to you and sometimes you respond—but you don’t really know who they are, what they asked or if you responded coherently. You called your family and friends and wept with them as they arrived at the hospital. You probably haven’t recognized it yet, but grief has come to live with you. It starts as a shock to your emotional and physical system and leaves your mind muddled. Here are ways to deal with the that muddling effect of shock so you can manage the realities of brain injury in the family.

Dealing with Shock

Shock impacts your thinking and memory and leaves you forgetful and sometimes unable to think effectively. Here are some ways to lesson its impact.

Keep a notebook close. Keep a notebook with you at all times to write down questions/tasks when you think of them. (If you are in your car, please pull over and stop while writing them down.) Keep the notebook in a safe place so you can refer to it when you have doubts again.
Repeat back what someone has said to you. It will help the words penetrate the shock.
Write down your questions and the answers to them. Check the accuracy of your notes by asking the person to repeat them and then double check them as he/she repeats them.
Be careful. If your mind is going a mile a minute, remember to take extra care driving, or doing any other complex task. You may be preoccupied, unfocused and therefore careless—take extra time to make sure you’re safe. Or better yet, let someone else drive or finish your other tasks when you feel out of sorts.
Get some sleep. If you lie awake all night with hundreds of thoughts racing through your mind, bring a notebook to bed so you can write down important ideas—the “I must remember” items in particular. This will allow you to relax and stop worrying that you’ll forget important things that need to be done.
Use relaxation tools. A warm bath, a walk, a quiet talk with a friend can help you relax. You can also choose to use meditation or relaxation CDs available in music stores and on the Internet. These things can help you slow your thoughts so they are less frightening and so your muscles can relax.
Stay healthy.
- Eat healthy meals and snacks —at regular intervals if possible.
- Cut back on caffeine—you can easily get too much when you’re stressed.
- Get appropriate amounts of sleep whenever possible.
- Take a 5-minute walk to get out of the hospital room and ease your emotions.
- Go ahead and cry. You have every reason to do so.

When dealing with brain injury, you may have many episodes of shock as the days/weeks/months go by. Few will be a severe as the first few days of dealing with the initial brain injury, but shock can still be debilitating. Take care of yourself so you will continue to respond appropriately.

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