Missing Pieces

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Marilyn Colter knows first-hand the day-to-day realities brain injury families face. In 1982, her husband Dale suffered a brain injury during surgery. With honesty and compassion, she tells the story of how her family coped, and how she herself handled feelings of fear, anger, guilt and depression. Marilyn fills her book with down-to-earth advice and healing end-of-chapter exercises for overwhelmed families.

"This book is dedicated to the families who live every day with brain injury and face its challenges with courage, perspective and a little dark humor. Every member of the family needs special care because every family member has been injured."
—Marilyn Colter, author of Missing Pieces

Learn how to handle the basics—just surviving another day—to the more complex challenges such as:

• rebuilding your family's relationships;
• fighting for your financial resources;
• working with the health care, Social Security, and insurance systems;
• moving through the difficult grieving process;
• adapting to new family roles and expectations;
• using denial and anger to cope with your impossible situation;
• taking care of yourself; and
• sustaining a belief that your life will get better.

Let Marilyn guide you through your own "Dark Days" with her warmth, wit and understanding. This newly revised edition of Missing Pieces is a coping tool, a manual for recovery, and, at times, a best friend who knows the pain caregivers are feeling. It is an invaluable support for families who must deal with brain injury, stroke and neurological disease, as well as an intelligent guide for rehabilitation specialists, therapists, counselors, attorneys, social workers, vocational education workers, and others who work with brain injury survivors and their loved ones.

Read an exclusive excerpt of "Missing Pieces"

"Shattered Dreams" (PDF 31k - Adobe Acrobat Reader required to view)

Listen to an exclusive excerpt from "Missing Pieces"

Quicktime Format

Review "Missing Pieces" Table of Contents

"Table of Contents" (PDF 11k - Adobe Acrobat Reader required to view)

Read what others say about "Missing Pieces"

"I cried so much when I read this book. Thank God, at last, someone understands."
—BI family member Dorothy S., Oregon

"The gutsiest, most compassionate, most on-target advice ever for the head injury family."
—Brain Technologies president Dudley Lynch, Florida

"Bless you, over and over! I have no memory of what I wrote when I ordered your book. But I knew I needed help after my husband's brain injury. Many times I've held your book close to my chest with the feeling that here is someone who understands. Many of our incidents are similar; it shocked me. My ‘health and sanity' are at a low ebb but thanks to your help both of us will be better tomorrow. I read your book with a pencil in hand and am anxious to reread it. I'll find help. Thanks for making me want to try harder."
—BI family member Connie H., Texas

"Marilyn, we all experience loss and reading your book coincidentally with a personal loss helped me identify my ambivalence. Your book helped me feel more connected with the world even as I retreated because the feelings you described were so universal."
—Jean C., Colorado

"Thank you for an excellent guide for families!"
—Reverend Rich S., Colorado

"I found your book to be extremely useful for me personally and professionally, and want to use it in my work with the families of head injured survivors."
—Rehab specialist Carol M., Colorado

"Your book is sensitizing me even more and helping me to understand a little bit better. I am a rehab counselor and people with head injuries are always difficult for us too. We wish we had better answers, services, etc. I have bought the book for myself and plan to use it as a resource for others."
—Rehab counselor Linda C., California

"I would strongly recommend reading this book if you are involved with a family struggling with brain injury. The book would be even more valuable if you are the partner of a brain injured person and/or the injured person is also a parent. If you don't read it, even just working through the end-of-chapter exercises would be enormously helpful."
—BI family member Lee W., New Zealand

"Everyone who is touched by a brain injury should read this book."
—retired Defense and Veterans Head Injury Program Manager Lynette Perry, Naval Medical Center, California

Read a review of the book

Wellington Brain Injury Association newsletter, November 2008
Wellington, New Zealand

By Lee Wilkinson

This month's book is "Missing Pieces: Mending the Head Injury Family." The author, Marilyn Colter, writes a warm and very down-to-earth account of the impact of her husband's brain injury on their family. She uses those experiences to create a practical recovery manual for use by any family struggling with brain injury.

Dale was 38 when a life-saving operation caused his brain injury. He had been a successful engineer and Marilyn was a newspaper editor. The couple had two school age children. Suddenly, amid the trauma of Dale's injury, Marilyn had to almost become "parent" and advocate for her very dependent partner, whilst doing all the parenting of their two children plus continue as the sole earner for the family. She says rather wryly, that while everyone was focusing on Dale's injury, the family was struggling with financial, emotional and relationship chaos.

Each chapter covers a broad challenge faced by the family. The topics follow the hard journey from immediately after the injury right through to where family members move on in their lives. Thus chapter headings range from "Shattered Dreams" through "Anger" to "Work the System" and "Detaching." Along the journey, Colter describes her struggles, the solutions she found to the huge range of problems and includes some very down-to-earth advice.

The chapters often end with excellent exercises to help the reader work through that section's particular challenge. In the chapter on "Guilt," for instance, one exercise starts out: "Guilt is a good teacher, but it is too often used as a punishment for something that can't be changed. To further expand your understanding of how to cope more successfully with guilt, take a moment to answer the questions below: 10 What have I learned from this guilt?" and so on.

Colter is a rather edgy writer, whose approach should appeal to Kiwi readers. Unlike many self-help writers she sees the value in negative emotions such as anger and denial. She points out that anger will give you the strength to stand up and fight, but that you must focus that anger. Similarly, she believes that denial enables us to deal with problems gradually; whereas if we accepted the full enormity of the injury, it would overwhelm us.

By the end of the book, Marilyn Colter has come to terms with what has happened, with the choices Dale has made and she talks about how each family member has moved forward in their life. The conclusion also includes a poignant interview with Dale himself.

There was an immediate demand from people for this book after I placed a copy in the Wellington Brain Injury Association library. It continues to be of value to people beyond my family.

Read more reviews of Missing Pieces:

Brain Injury Success
http://braininjurysuccess.org/book_reviews/family_guides/missing_pieces.html