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If you are a caregiver to a brain-injured person, you have probably realized by now that this injury defines many people-not just you and the person you care for. It also defines your friends and those family members who you thought would be there for you but weren't. Let's face it, sometimes people just don't measure up to our expectations. That person who said, "I'll help, just call me"— well, there's a pretty good chance that if you call, he or she will say they're too busy or it's not convenient. It's pretty devastating when you need their help and they let you down.
I don't know about you, but I used to make those promises as well, and I meant them the moment they came out of my mouth. But the words I said were not thought out. Unfortunately, when the call came for help, I was often wrapped up in my own life and taking care of my own family who had needs as well. I'm sorry to say that sometimes I wasn't there when someone needed my help. I couldn't meet their expectations because I couldn't put down my own responsibilities right at that moment.
Care giving is often lonely. You face enormous challenges caring for a loved one with a brain injury. In the beginning you have high expectations that others will share your desire to take care of this person or even of you. But, some people can't bear to see your family in such pain, some are overwhelmed with their own problems, some are afraid or fear they don't know how to help.
Your expectations might be too high at that moment. But someone might be able to give a little help, and that's really all you need. Fit your request to the person's abilities and time constraints. Be grateful for the help they give and let them know how much you appreciate them.
Still, there will be times when no one will be able to step up to help. They have other responsibilities they can't put aside to help you. Sooner or later, you will feel so terribly alone you are unable even to summon help. You're frightened, you're angry and you feel guilty for not being able to meet all the challenges.
Get yourself to a support group or create your own. Realize that you are capable of doing more than you ever thought you could-but not everything. Find a counselor, your minister or spiritual advisor, or your best friend and let them know how alone you're feeling. Sometimes even a chance meeting with someone at the supermarket will give you a boost if you listen.
Tomorrow I will post suggestions about starting a support group. But don't wait for me. Reach out to someone until you get some help. People really do want to help. But they may not be able to do the task you need at the moment you need it. Keep trying. There is help out there. As soon as you find even a small word of encouragement, the shadows will lift.
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Brain Injury Family Blog 
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