By Diana Lilley, Psychologist, Scotland

As you have already learned, when a person you live with suffers from a brain injury, you suffer too. It's a trauma for everyone in the household. There's the shock of how the person has changed, the adjustment to a different way of living and relating to the person, the continuous hard work of caring, the disturbing feelings that come unbidden: anger, guilt, despair, sadness, frustration - to name but a few.

Adjustment to brain injury takes time. You can't move overnight from the accident to an acceptable new way of living. The transition period is is a time when all manner of feelings emerge in the mind and when the body slows down to recover from the assault of the trauma. For example, feeling worn out and sad or angry during the transition—all are natural reactions to extreme change.The transition has its own timeline: you can't hurry it or slow it down. However, you can "cooperate" with what is happening to you. Here are some ways:

Take time out to "check in" with yourself. Take at least three minutes to be fully aware of what is happening in your body and mind. Try not to give in to the instinct to find a distraction (TV, finding something else to do, etc.). Notice what is going on with your emotions—thoughts, adrenalin rush, tension in your body. Notice your breath. (Don't try to change the breath; just notice it.) Let yourself be aware of any uncomfortable sensations and painful feelings. Let them happen. They might feel awful, but they won't injure you permanently; and if you simply allow them space and attention, they will quiet down sooner.

If you avoid painful feelings, this can cause even more pressure in the body and the mind, because it can set up a struggle inside you between "what I feel" and "what I want to feel". Try to relax into saying to yourself, "Okay, this is me right now at this moment. I don't like these feelings (frustration, pain, anger, helplessness, etc.), but this is how they are." You don't have to change anything because, in time, the way you feel will change by itself.

Another benefit to "check in on" is that when you become aware of tensions in your body, you can let them go. For example if, while you are sorting the laundry or driving or making a bed, if you notice what's happening in your shoulders, you will be able to let go of any tension that is there. Try to "check in" several times a day - maybe when you first wake up before you get out of bed, or when you are by yourself in the bathroom . Notice your forehead and jaws. Notice your neck and shoulders. Notice your back and hips. Notice your legs and feet. Notice and allow the tension to melt.

Remember to take care of yourself.

• Get as much rest as possible. You'll need more rest than in ordinary times.

• Give yourself little pleasures throughout each day. When you take a shower, enjoy the sensation of the water on your skin. Notice the colour of the sky and wind in the trees. Really focus on the taste of that cup of coffee or food you like, or the refreshing sensation of drinking a glass of water. Listen to music that lifts your spirit. Find something to laugh about. In hard times, it is important to remember and enjoy what is good in life—even for a moment!

• Eat and drink what is good for your body. It is true that your body becomes what you put into it. Excessive caffeine, sugar, alcohol—all slow down the process of healing. Try to eat healthy food at meals and avoid snacks during the day.

• Exercise when you can. Everything helps: swimming, walking, jogging, cycling, etc. If you are housebound, turn on your favourite music and dance in your living room.

• Crying —for men as well as women—is okay, It is a healthy way to release some of the strain. Sometimes a person will say, "If I start crying, I'll never stop." You will stop, and crying is a good way of letting out pent-up feelings.

• Talk to a friend or professional about your feelings. Sometimes talking to a friend or professional can help you get "unstuck" and give new perspective on the situation.

• Remember that nothing lasts forever.

Finally, if you have a faith, this is a time when it can shine for you.

Comments (0)

Show/Hide comments

Show/Hide comment form

Write comment

Name

Email

Website

Title

Comment

smaller | bigger

Subscribe via email (Registered users only)

I have read and agree to the Terms of Usage.

Write the displayed characters

Add Comment