Brain injury survivors often have no one to turn to

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Brain injury survivors often have no one to turn to

Written by Marilyn Colter

Tuesday, 19 January 2010 09:36

This week I ran into two people who I'd been out of touch with for a few years. Both had brain injuries—it was a reminder to me of how hard it is for families to survive a brain injury. How can we help families like these? Is there any way to help these survivors maintain their relationships?

One of them was a young woman whose artwork I admire. I had tried to get in touch with her a few times over the last few years but heard nothing back so I thought perhaps she'd moved. No, she'd been in a car accident and had spent a year in rehab recovering. She was one of those folks who showed no symptoms--absolutely not one symptom--of being brain injured. Outwardly. But, she told me, while she is grateful for that recovery, it also creates problems for her when she tries to work at a job. She has significant memory problems as well as other cognitive problems caused by the brain injury. "I'm not the same person," she told me. She and her husband have become nothing more than roommates, she says, but they stay together because she can't support herself.

The other person I heard from was a former university student I worked with. (His letter is posted in the ask Marilyn column on this site.) He was older when his brain injury occurred-probably in his late 40s. He would never win a congeniality award—he was and is confrontive, opinionated, and prone to angry outbursts. Because he was a very large man, it was scary, sometimes to deal with him. But he did work hard, is a talented writer and is an intelligent and thoughtful person. Since he earned his degree and left the state, he has struggled to survive. He will admit that he is not an easy person to deal with, and that his anger has caused some of his problems, but he has become estranged from friends and family, has trouble fitting in or making new friends, and now has worsening medical problems and has undergone another brain surgery. He lives alone in poverty, he can't work and he is very close to giving up on life.

I'm sure you know of people who are struggling too. How do we help these survivors and manage the rest of the family's needs too? When I testified as an expert witness, I described the dilemma we all face as a shipwreck—one where you, as family member, must choose who to rescue when you can't save everyone. If you have any ideas—any experiences that relate to these people dealing with brain injury or to us as caregivers—please send them to me. There must be something better. We need to find it.

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