When the alarm goes off in the morning you instantly feel the burn of tears behind your eyelids. “Please God,” your silent plea goes out again. “Help me get through this day.”

Before opening your eyes, you listen for the sound of your husband’s breathing next to you. When he first came home from the hospital, it was irregular with long, terrifying moments of silence between each breath but now they are regular and even. You are grateful for that small gift.

You open your eyes and sit up, wincing. Last night was not a good night and you got very little sleep. He wanted sex but it didn’t go well and he called you names you’ve read in books but never heard spoken to you. You know it was his disappointment and brain injury speaking, but you still feel the hurt. You tell God you’re trying hard to be a good wife and love your husband. There’s a bruise on your inner thigh that you’re not even going to think about.

“Please God, help me be a better mother today.”

The children are up and you forego a shower to make sure they’re getting ready for school. (“Turn off the TV! Yes I forgot the laundry. I know you’ve already worn this outfit but we can wash the little spot on your pants and dry it with my hairdryer so no one will notice.”) You fix their favorite breakfast foods because this may be the only meal they get today where no one is yelling and where they can enjoy “family time.” This is the time you get to hear about school assignments, and a successful test and you are reminded about lunch money due. But it only lasts an hour. You put them on the school bus and then drive the opposite direction toward your job.

By Diana Lilley, Psychologist, Scotland

As you have already learned, when a person you live with suffers from a brain injury, you suffer too. It's a trauma for everyone in the household. There's the shock of how the person has changed, the adjustment to a different way of living and relating to the person, the continuous hard work of caring, the disturbing feelings that come unbidden: anger, guilt, despair, sadness, frustration - to name but a few.

Adjustment to brain injury takes time. You can't move overnight from the accident to an acceptable new way of living. The transition period is is a time when all manner of feelings emerge in the mind and when the body slows down to recover from the assault of the trauma. For example, feeling worn out and sad or angry during the transition—all are natural reactions to extreme change.The transition has its own timeline: you can't hurry it or slow it down. However, you can "cooperate" with what is happening to you. Here are some ways: