Q: My best friend's daughter has a brain tumor. She's only 7 and just had surgery. Now she's brain injured. It's very sad. I'm trying to help my friend Terry out as much as I can. I'm concerned about her—she's exhausted all the time and worried and scared. But I'm not sure what to do or how best to be helpful to her. Do you have any ideas for me?
—Cali J., Wisconsin

A: Cali, thank you for your thoughtful question. I decided to ask my colleague LeAnn Thieman to answer your question. She's a nurse and you may have read her Chicken Soup for the Caregiver's Soul book. I thought she'd be the best person to respond. Here's what she suggests for you:

You're absolutely right to worry about your friend Terry. Caregiving depletes a person not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. It's no wonder caregivers like your friend often experience troublesome feelings such as depression, resentment, worry, helplessness, exhaustion, guilt, anger, and sadness. But there's good news! When caregivers care for themselves, these severe emotions can be drastically reduced.

Here are 12 ways you can help Terry care for herself and her daughter:

1. Be compassionate and empathetic.
2. Encourage her to care for herself as attentively as she does her daughter. Remind her to get regular checkups, eat properly, exercise, and get enough sleep.
3. Suggest she take time out for herself and use relaxation or stress management techniques such as meditation, visualization, biofeedback and yoga.
4. Advise her to pay attention to her own feelings and emotions and to seek counseling and support groups if needed. She can talk with other people coping with similar situations in the Brain Injury Family Resources forum.
5. Listen.
6. Help Terry to stay actively involved with her friends and hobbies.
7. Assist her in finding respite care for her daughter so she can regularly take time for herself.
8. Give Terry supportive and encouraging caregiving magazines and books such as Missing Pieces: Mending the Head Injury Family. Help her tap into community-based and national resources for support. The National Family Caregiver's Association is a great place to start. So is the Resource Directory for Brain Injury Families here on this site.
9. Deliver a heat-and-eat meal.
10. Offer to sit with Terry's daughter, even for 30 minutes, so that she can take a bubble bath or a walk.
11. Tell Terry how much you admire her for all she is doing.

—LeAnn Thieman, LPN

LeAnn is a nurse, author and Speaker Hall of Fame inductee. She co-authored Chicken Soup for the Caregiver's Soul. Visit LeAnn's web site to learn more about caregiving issues, her books or presentations.

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