Does being angry at my brain-injured dad make me a rotten person?

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Does being angry at my brain-injured dad make me a rotten person?

Q: My dad was brain damaged when he crashed into a tree while he was skiing a year ago and he's not like the same person anymore. He said he was going to take me and my brother to California and teach us to surf this year when I turned 14. Now we can't go because he can't do things like that anymore. He's mean sometimes and I'm embarrassed when he says something stupid in front of my friends.

I know he can't help being brain damaged but sometimes I hate him. Sometimes I even wish he was dead. I know I'm not supposed to feel that way, but I do! I can't tell my mom because she'll be mad at me. How can I make myself stop feeling that way? I feel like I'm a rotten person!
-Stephanie P.

A: You're not a rotten person Stephanie, and you're certainly not alone. A lot of people feel that way about the brain-injured person in their family for a while-even though they don't say it. Brain damage sometimes makes people very different from the way they used to be and it's hard to deal with that. They can't control their tempers very well, or walk or talk the way they used to and they do things sometimes that ARE embarrassing. I know my kids felt that way about their brain-injured dad sometimes too, and they're great people!

You're probably feeling angry and sad and miss your dad (the way he used to be). Almost everybody thinks bad thoughts when they're feeling that way, especially when it seems like their whole life has gone crazy. I think your mom might understand how you're feeling, and talking with her might help her understand how hard it is for you right now. Sometimes talking to a friend or teacher will help, too. Just being able to say how mad and sad you are will sometimes make you feel better. Hold on-things are pretty tough right now, but they'll get better.
-Marilyn Colter

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